Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Ferengi's Rules of acquisition

I came across this Ferengi's rules of acquistion recently.The word "Pure Profit" is something that interests you than anything else,then these rules can help you greatly.Rules that are in bold letters are the few rules that I have seen people using it in the past 1 year in the corporate world.

Who are Ferengi's?

Ferengi's are a spacefaring humanoid species native to the planet Ferenginar. Ferengi civilization was built on the ideals of free enterprise, where all other goals were subjugated to the pursuit of profit.

Ferengi's Rules of acquisition.

1. Once you have their money, you never give it back.

2. If you can't break a contract, bend it.
3. You can't cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try.
4. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
5. Sex and profit are the two things that never last long enough.
6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
7. Keep your ears open.
8. Keep count of your change.
9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
10. A dead customer can't buy as much as a live one.
11. Latinum isn't the only thing that shines.
12. Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
14. Anything stolen is pure profit.
15. Acting stupid is often smart.
16. A deal is a deal ... until a better one comes along.
17. A contract, is a contract, is a contract... but only between Ferengi.
18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
19. Beware of relatives bearing gifts.
20. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
21. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
22. Never place friendship above profit.
23. A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
24. Never take the last coin, but be sure to get all the rest.
25. Never ask when you can take.
26. Fear makes a good business partner.
27. The vast majority of the rich in this galaxy did not inherit their wealth; they stole it.
28. The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down.
29. Morality is always defined by those in power.
30. When someone says "It's not the money," they're lying.
31. Talk is cheap; synthehol costs money.
32. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother ... insult something he cares about instead.
33. Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects.
34. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
35. Compassion is no substitute for profit.
36. You could afford your ship without your government--if it weren't for your government.
37. Too many Ferengi can't laugh at themselves anymore.
38. You can always buy back a lost reputation.
39. Free advertising is cheap.
40. Praise is cheap. Heap it generously on all customers.
41. She can touch your lobes but never your Latinum.
42. Profit is its own reward.
43. Only negotiate when you are certain to profit.
44. Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon.
45. Never argue with a loaded phaser.
46. Profit has limits. Loss has none.
47. Labor camps are full of people who trusted the wrong person.
48. Don't trust a man wearing a suit better than your own.
49. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
50. Old age and wisdom will always overcome youth and talent.
51. Never bluff a Klingon.
52. Never admit a mistake if they're someone else to blame.
53. Only Bugsy could have built Las Vegas.
54. Sell first; ask questions later.
55. Never buy anything you can't sell.
56. Always sell at the highest possible profit.
57. Pursue profit; women come later.
58. Good customers are as rare as latinum. Treasure them.
59. Friendship is seldom cheap.
60. Free advice is seldom cheap.
61. Never use credit where your words will do.
62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.

63. Power without profit is like a ship without an engine.
64. Don't talk shop; talk shopping.
65. Don't talk ship; talk shipping.
66. Anyone serving in a fleet who is crazy can be relieved, if they ask for it.
67. Anyone asking to be relieved is not crazy and must be forced to serve.
68. War is good for business.
69. Peace is good for business.
70. Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise.
71. Greed is eternal.
72. Small print leads to large risk.
73. Money talks, but having lots of it gets more attention.
74. Never confuse wisdom with luck.
75. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.
76. Every once in a while, declare peace; it confuses the hell out of your enemy.
77. A bargain usually isn't.
78. There is no substitute for success.
79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
80. The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
81. Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
82. Don't lie too soon after a promotion.
83. When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat.
84. A friend in need is a customer in the making.
85. Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
86. Females and finances don't mix.
87. Enough ... is never enough.
88. Trust is the biggest liability of all.
89. Give someone a fish, you feed him for one day. Teach him how to fish, and you lose a steady customer.
90. Never do something you can make someone do for you.
91. Sleep can interfere with opportunity.
92. Money is never made. It is merely won or lost.
93. Faith moves mountains ... of inventory.
94. There is no honor in poverty.
95. A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
96. Sometimes what you get free costs entirely too much.
97. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
98. Never sleep with the boss' wife unless you pay him first.
99. Treat people in your debt like family... exploit them.
100. Never have sex with the boss's sister.
101. Always have sex with the boss.
102. Win or lose, there's always Hyperian beetle snuff.
103. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
104. You can't free a fish from water.
105. Keep your lies consistent.
106. Buy, sell, or get out of the way.
107. Everything is for sale, even friendship.
108. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
109. A friend is only a friend until you sell him something. Then he is a customer.
110. Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder.
111. Wives serve, brothers inherit.
112. Only fools pay retail.
113. There's nothing wrong with charity ... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
114. Opportunity waits for no one.
115. Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
116. Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.
117. Rules are always subject to interpretation.
118. Never spend your own money when you can spend someone else's.
119. If you can sell it, don't hesitate to steal it.
120. Know your enemies...but do business with them always.
121. Never offer a confession when a bribe will do.
122. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
123. Never bet on a race you haven't fixed.
124. Borrow on a handshake; lend in writing.
125. Never cheat a Klingon ... unless you're sure you can get away with it.
126. It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
127. The justification for profit is profit.
128. New customers are like razortoothed grubworms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they can bite back.
129. Sometimes more damaging than an answer is a question.
130. Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success... don't hesitate to step on them.
131. Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
132. Instinct without opportunity is useless.
133. Never gamble with an empath.
134. Always know what you're buying.
135. Possession is eleven-tenths of the law.
136. Beware of any man who thinks with his lobes.
137. Knowledge is power.
138. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
139. Latinum lasts longer than lust.
140. You can't buy fate.
141. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
142. More is good ... all is better.
143. A wife is a luxury ... a smart accountant is a necessity.
144. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
145. Never allow doubt to tarnish your love of latinum.
146. When in doubt, lie.
147. Blood is thicker than water, but harder to sell.
148. Business is like war; it's important to recognize the winner.
149. Rules are always subject to change.
150. Deep down everyone's a Ferengi.
151. No good deed ever goes unpunished.

17 comments:

ambi said...

shishyaa, romba porumai paa onakku..
btw, another good one from u..

Shuba said...

Hey i was already into too much of business....breaking head over "finance for non finance "and jus turned my eye over this post!this is more simple!intelligent Ferengis!!!had to go thro it several times to have a better understanding!but i wont mind as its business something that fascinates me most !!(again have to go thro there are few things i cant understand)).So the best points i feel logically and as per with my exp are the following!2,4,6,21,39,43,44,46,76,83,84,89,90,110,126,132,140,148.Good taht sounds like a BA!

Syam said...

aiya ennaaathu vadivel style la அவ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ்வ், paathi thaan padichen meethi ya naalaiku padichitu solren :-)

Bala.G said...

naan kooda konjam thaan padichen....micham apuram ;-)

ashok said...

wow...wat a list !

வேதா said...

to be frank, enakku thala suthuthu meet u later. byeeeeee:)

senthil natarajan said...

that was amazing list... where did u get this from

krk said...

Interesting one da... Infact i have practised few among these ...but its surprising to see that they are classified as a set of rules...

I am always cautious about the small print stuffs...espicially with the communication and retain contract industry...big problem awaits you...

i will definitely refer back to this stuff...interesting and usefull...

i encourage you write more buisness oriented stuffs da...Infact i am planning to start a seperate blog space for my buisness views...good job...

Infact if you have selected few ones and explained to us with some small incidents or stories...it will be great and cool...

Ms.Congeniality said...

aaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaa!!Evlo periya list//read as dheivayani in panchathanthiram//

Read only the highlighted ones now, will read the rest and comment on which ones I've seen people follow or follwed ;-)

Gopalan Ramasubbu said...

@Ambi:Danks guru:)

@Shuba:Glad that u 've read all the rules with lotsa patience.danks:)

@Syam:Tup karangalaku ithelam padichu thaan therinchukanumnu illengo ;)

@bala:No worries :)

@Ashok:yeah big list indeed :)

@Veda :ithula ennanga iruku thalai sutha?;)

@Sen:netula irunthu thaan.

@KRK:thanks da.will write more on business issues.I can't use the real time examples dude.it'll be a breach of corporate ethics ;)

@Ms.padips:periaya list thaan,take u r time :)

barath said...

good one...
for corporate world....neenga innum neraiyya rulesa bold pannirukkanum

அனுசுயா said...

Appa ennala mudiyala saaaaami :(

வேதா said...

//ithula ennanga iruku thalai sutha?;)//
naan padipula konjam weak, avlo perisa post potta padikka mudiyathu,athaan, he, he..:)

Ms.Congeniality said...

Appaada fulla padichen.. kadasi line paathutu I was like ??!!!!
"No good deed ever goes unpunished"
???????????

Gopalan Ramasubbu said...

@Barath:Yeah but ipoo 1 year ah thaan i been exposed to them that's why the list is small :)

@Anu:Mudiyalena vitudunga,romba kasta padatenga ;)

@Veda://naan padipula konjam weak//

nenga exam nalla eluthalennu alu thengannu post potta pothe enaku therium ;) hee hee

@Ms.Padips:Danks for reading it completely.I'm delighted :)

said...

mmhmmm... enaku idhula 3/4th puriyala gops... but some traits i find in the daily life personalities i meet... a good list... enaku padichu mudikaradhuku arai mani neram aachu... :) must read thro agen and understand better...

said...

stuff from good old star trek. LOL I thought they dont have the compelete list?